Your mind talks to you all day long. Sometimes it whispers encouragement. Other times, it screams worry and doubt. Most of us spend so much time reacting to what our minds throw at us that we forget to pause and actually check in with ourselves.
Think about it. You probably ask your friends how they’re doing more often than you ask yourself. You schedule car maintenance and doctor appointments, but when was the last time you scheduled time to sit with your thoughts and honestly assess how you’re feeling?
The truth is, your mental health needs attention just like everything else in your life. These questions aren’t about fixing yourself or finding what’s broken. They’re about understanding where you are right now and what you might need to feel a little more like yourself again.
Questions to Ask Yourself for Mental Health
These questions are your starting point for honest self-reflection. Take your time with each one, and don’t worry about getting the “right” answer.
1. Am I Getting Enough Sleep, and If Not, What’s Keeping Me Awake?
Sleep isn’t just about feeling rested. It’s the foundation your entire mental health stands on. When you’re sleep-deprived, everything feels harder. Your patience runs thin, your emotions feel closer to the surface, and even small problems can feel massive.
But here’s what really matters: understanding why you’re not sleeping. Is your mind racing with tomorrow’s to-do list? Are you scrolling through your phone until 2 AM? Maybe you’re getting into bed exhausted but lying there wide awake, thoughts spinning in circles. Each cause needs a different solution. Racing thoughts might need a brain dump before bed—just writing everything down on paper so your mind can let go. Phone scrolling might need actual boundaries, like leaving your device in another room. Physical restlessness could mean your body needs more movement during the day.
Pay attention to your patterns. Your sleep tells you a lot about what’s going on beneath the surface.
2. What Am I Avoiding Right Now?
We all avoid things. Sometimes it’s necessary for self-protection. Other times, it’s fear dressed up as procrastination. The conversation you need to have. The decision you keep putting off. The friend you’ve been meaning to call back for three weeks.
Avoidance creates this low-level anxiety that follows you around like background noise. You might not even notice it consciously, but it’s there, draining your energy. Facing what you’re avoiding doesn’t mean you have to do it all at once. Start by naming it. Write it down. Look at it. Sometimes just acknowledging what you’re running from takes away half its power.
3. When Did I Last Feel Truly Relaxed?
This question catches people off guard. Many of us can’t remember the last time we felt genuinely at ease—not just distracted or entertained, but actually relaxed. Your body loose, your mind quiet, nothing pulling at your attention.
If you’re struggling to answer this, that’s your answer. Your nervous system might be stuck in overdrive, always anticipating the next thing. Relaxation is a skill you can rebuild. It starts small. Five minutes of deep breathing. Sitting outside without your phone. A warm shower where you’re not planning your day. Your body remembers how to relax. You just need to give it permission and practice.
4. Who in My Life Actually Makes Me Feel Better?
Not who should make you feel better. Not who you think you’re supposed to enjoy spending time with. Who actually, consistently, genuinely leaves you feeling lighter after you’ve been together? These are your people. The ones who don’t drain you to fill themselves. The ones who can sit in comfortable silence with you or make you laugh until your stomach hurts.
On the flip side, who consistently leaves you feeling exhausted or worse about yourself? You don’t necessarily need to cut people out of your life, but you do need to be honest about how different relationships affect you. Your energy is limited. Spend it wisely.
5. What’s the Story I Keep Telling Myself About Who I Am?
You have a narrative running in your head about yourself. “I’m not good with people.” “I’m too sensitive.” “I always mess things up.” These stories feel like facts, but they’re often just old beliefs you’ve never questioned. Maybe someone said something once, and you turned it into your identity. Maybe you failed at something years ago and decided that’s just who you are.
Try this: write down the main story you tell yourself. Then ask if it’s actually, currently true. Not if it was true once. Not if parts of it are sometimes true. Is it true right now, consistently, in most situations? You might be shocked to find that you’ve been carrying around someone else’s opinion or a past version of yourself as if it’s gospel.
6. How Much Time Do I Spend Comparing Myself to Others?
Social media makes this question uncomfortable. You’re scrolling through everyone’s highlight reel while sitting in your regular Tuesday afternoon. They look happy, successful, put-together. You feel ordinary. Maybe even behind.
Here’s the thing about comparison: it’s a game you can never win because you’re comparing your insides to everyone else’s outsides. You see their finished product and compare it to your messy middle. That’s not fair to you. Everyone struggles. Everyone has doubts. Everyone has days where they feel like they’re not doing enough. The difference is most people don’t post those moments. When you catch yourself comparing, pause. Come back to your own path, your own progress, your own life. That’s the only comparison that matters: who you are now versus who you were yesterday.
7. What Do I Need to Forgive Myself For?
This one hits different for everyone. Maybe you said something you regret. Made a choice that hurt someone. Wasted time on something that didn’t matter. Let yourself down. Whatever it is, holding onto it isn’t helping you grow. It’s just weighing you down.
Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean what you did was okay. It means you’re choosing to stop punishing yourself for being human. You made a mistake. You were doing the best you could with what you knew at the time. Learn from it. Make amends if needed. Then let it go. Carrying guilt around doesn’t make you a better person. It just makes you a tired one.
8. Am I Spending Time Doing Things That Actually Matter to Me?
You know that feeling when Sunday evening arrives and you can’t quite remember what you did all weekend? That’s a sign you’re moving through life on autopilot. Your days are full, but they’re not meaningful. You’re busy, but you’re not engaged.
What actually matters to you? Not what should matter. What genuinely lights you up or gives you a sense of purpose? Maybe it’s creative work you never make time for. Maybe it’s deeper conversations instead of small talk. Maybe it’s being in nature or learning something new. Whatever it is, are you doing it? Or are you just getting through each day, planning to start living intentionally “someday”? Someday is today. Even 15 minutes spent on something meaningful beats hours of mindless distraction.
9. How Often Do I Move My Body?
Your body and mind aren’t separate. When your body feels good, your mind usually follows. When you’re sedentary for days, everything starts to feel sluggish—your thoughts included. Movement doesn’t have to mean CrossFit or marathon training. It means getting your heart rate up, stretching muscles that are tight, going for a walk, dancing in your kitchen. Whatever feels good and gets you moving.
Notice how you feel before and after movement. Most people feel clearer, calmer, more capable. Your body releases stress through movement. It processes emotions through physical activity. If you’re feeling stuck mentally, move. Often, your mood will shift with it.
10. What Am I Consuming That’s Making Me Feel Worse?
News. Social media. Toxic TV shows. Conversations that spiral into negativity. Processed food that crashes your energy. Alcohol that you think relaxes you but actually disrupts your sleep and mood. Whatever you’re taking in—whether it’s information, food, or substances—affects how you feel.
Track it for a few days. Notice what you consume and how you feel afterward. Not in a judgmental way, just with curiosity. You might find that your afternoon anxiety always follows your morning news scroll. Or that your Sunday evening dread correlates with binge-watching shows about terrible people. You have more control over what you consume than you think. Start saying no to things that consistently make you feel bad.
11. When Do I Feel Most Like Myself?
There are moments when you feel aligned. When everything clicks and you’re not trying to be anyone other than who you are. Maybe it’s when you’re working on a project you care about. Or having a real conversation with someone you trust. Or doing something you’re good at. Or being somewhere that makes you feel grounded.
These moments are clues. They show you what conditions help you thrive. The more you can create those conditions in your daily life, the better you’ll feel overall. If you feel most like yourself when you’re outside, that’s information you can use. Find ways to be outside more often. If you feel best when you’re creating something, make space for that. Your mental health improves when your life reflects who you actually are.
12. What Boundaries Do I Need to Set?
Boundaries aren’t mean. They’re necessary. They’re the invisible line between what’s okay and what’s not okay for you. With your time, your energy, your body, your attention. Maybe you need to stop answering work emails at 10 PM. Maybe you need to tell your friend you can’t be their therapist. Maybe you need to say no to plans when you’re exhausted instead of forcing yourself to show up.
The discomfort of setting a boundary is temporary. The resentment of not setting one lasts much longer. Start small. Pick one boundary you need. Practice saying it out loud. “I can’t make it tonight.” “I need some time alone.” “I’m not available for that.” Notice how the world doesn’t end. In fact, people who care about you will respect your boundaries. The ones who don’t probably shouldn’t be in your life anyway.
13. Am I Holding Onto Something I Need to Let Go Of?
A relationship that ended. A job you didn’t get. A version of life you thought you’d have by now. An old hurt. A grudge. A dream that’s no longer serving you. Holding on keeps you stuck in the past, unable to fully show up for what’s happening right now.
Letting go doesn’t mean you failed or that what you lost didn’t matter. It means you’re making room for what’s next. Your hands are full. To pick up something new, you have to put something down. What are you ready to release?
14. How Do I Talk to Myself When I Make a Mistake?
Listen to the voice in your head when something goes wrong. Is it kind? Understanding? Or is it harsh and critical? Would you talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself? Most of us wouldn’t dream of being that cruel to someone we care about, but we do it to ourselves constantly.
Your inner voice shapes your reality. If it’s always telling you you’re not good enough, you’ll believe it. Practice talking to yourself like you’d talk to someone you love. With patience. With understanding. With the assumption that you’re doing your best. It feels awkward at first. Do it anyway. Over time, that voice gets gentler. And so does your whole experience of being you.
15. What Brings Me Joy Without Any Productive Purpose?
We live in a culture that values productivity above almost everything else. Even our hobbies become side hustles. Even our rest needs to be optimized. But what do you do just because it feels good? Not because it makes you money or improves you or impresses anyone. Just because.
Maybe it’s watching the sunset. Playing with your dog. Listening to music. Baking something. Reading fiction. These moments of pure enjoyment are essential for your mental health. They remind you that life isn’t just about achievement and efficiency. It’s also about pleasure and presence. Make time for joy. Not later. Now.
16. Who Do I Need to Have an Honest Conversation With?
There’s probably someone. The conversation you’ve been rehearsing in your head. The thing you need to say but keep putting off. The air that needs clearing. The truth that needs telling. These unspoken words take up space in your mind. They create tension in your body. They keep you from being fully present.
Having the conversation is almost always less scary than the anticipation of having it. And even if it’s uncomfortable, at least you’ll know where you stand. At least you’ll have tried. Speak your truth clearly and kindly. Then let go of controlling how they respond. You can’t manage other people’s reactions. You can only manage your own integrity.
17. What Part of My Life Feels Misaligned Right Now?
Sometimes you can’t put your finger on what’s wrong. You just know something feels off. Like you’re wearing shoes that don’t quite fit. Maybe it’s your job. Maybe it’s where you live. Maybe it’s how you’re spending your time or who you’re spending it with. Something doesn’t match who you are or what you need.
Trust that feeling. Your intuition knows before your rational mind can explain it. You don’t have to immediately quit your job or move cities. But you do need to acknowledge what’s not working. Once you name it, you can start thinking about small steps toward alignment. Ignoring it just makes the discomfort grow louder.
18. How Much Do I Worry About Things Outside My Control?
Your brain loves to worry. It thinks worrying is productive. It thinks if you just think about the problem enough, you’ll solve it. But most of what we worry about falls into two categories: things that will never happen, and things we can’t control anyway. Neither is worth your energy.
Make a list of what you’re currently worried about. Then go through and mark each one: can I control this or not? For the things you can’t control—other people’s opinions, the economy, whether it will rain—practice letting go. For the things you can control—your choices, your actions, your responses—make a plan. Worry isn’t planning. Planning is planning. Do that instead.
19. When Was the Last Time I Did Something New?
Novelty is good for your brain. It creates new neural pathways. It pulls you out of ruts. It reminds you that you’re still growing, still capable of learning and changing. When was the last time you tried something you’d never done before? Went somewhere new? Had a different kind of conversation? Changed your routine?
If your life feels stale, add some newness. It doesn’t have to be big. Take a different route home. Try a recipe from a cuisine you’ve never cooked. Read a genre you normally skip. Talk to someone you wouldn’t usually talk to. Small changes create fresh perspectives. Fresh perspectives often lead to better mental health.
20. What Would I Tell My Best Friend If They Were Feeling How I Feel Right Now?
This is the most powerful question on this list. When your best friend is struggling, you show up with compassion. You don’t tell them to just try harder or get over it. You listen. You validate. You remind them of their strengths. You help them see clearly when they can’t see clearly themselves.
So what would you tell them right now, if they were feeling exactly how you’re feeling? Would you tell them they’re doing better than they think? That it’s okay to ask for help? That they deserve rest and kindness? That this difficult season won’t last forever? Whatever you’d tell them, that’s what you need to hear. Give yourself the same grace, the same understanding, the same love. You deserve it just as much as they do.
Wrapping Up
Mental health isn’t something you fix once and forget about. It’s something you tend to regularly, like a garden. Some seasons are easier than others. Some days you’ll feel strong and clear. Other days, just getting through feels like an accomplishment.
These questions aren’t meant to overwhelm you. They’re meant to help you check in with yourself honestly. Pick one or two that resonate most right now. Sit with them. Write about them. Talk about them with someone you trust.
Your mental health matters. Taking time to understand yourself better isn’t selfish or indulgent. It’s necessary. The more you know about what you need, the better you can take care of yourself. And the better you take care of yourself, the better you can show up for everything and everyone else that matters to you.