Therapy can feel like standing at the edge of something big. You know you need it, or maybe you’re just curious about whether it could help. But here’s what most people don’t tell you: showing up isn’t the hardest part.
Knowing what you’re walking into makes all the difference. Your readiness, your expectations, your fears—they all matter more than you might think. The relationship you build with your therapist starts long before you sit in that chair or log into that video call.
So before you book that first appointment, let’s talk about what you actually need to figure out. These aren’t just random thoughts to ponder. They’re the foundation of getting real results from therapy.
Questions to Ask Yourself before Therapy
These questions will help you clarify what you’re looking for and prepare you for a more productive therapeutic experience. Think of them as your personal roadmap.
1. What Do I Actually Want to Get Out of This?
You might be tempted to say, “I want to feel better,” and that’s valid. But therapy works best when you can get specific. Do you want tools to manage your anxiety during work presentations? Are you hoping to process grief from a recent loss? Maybe you’re trying to understand why your relationships keep following the same painful pattern.
Getting clear on your goals gives your therapist something concrete to work with. It’s like telling a taxi driver your destination instead of just saying “drive.” You can always adjust your goals as you go, but starting with at least one clear intention helps both of you know if you’re making progress. Write it down if that helps. Make it as detailed as you can, even if it feels awkward at first.
3. Am I Ready to Be Uncomfortable?
Here’s something nobody warns you about enough: therapy isn’t always comfortable. In fact, the most growth often happens right when you’re squirming in your seat, wanting to change the subject or make a joke to lighten things up.
Being ready for therapy means being willing to sit with difficult emotions. To talk about things you’d rather avoid. To hear feedback that might sting a little. This doesn’t mean you need to be perfect or never resist—resistance is actually normal and part of the process. But if you’re going into therapy expecting to feel good every single session, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. The good news? That discomfort usually means you’re getting somewhere real.
2. How Honest Can I Really Be?
Therapy only works if you’re willing to tell the truth. That sounds obvious, but it’s harder than it seems. Most of us spend our lives carefully managing what we reveal to others. We soften our stories, leave out embarrassing details, or tell half-truths to avoid judgment.
But your therapist isn’t your friend, your parent, or your boss. They’re trained to hear things without shock or judgment. That weird thought you had? They’ve heard weirder. That thing you did that you’re ashamed of? They’ve worked with people who’ve done worse. The question is: can you let yourself be fully seen? If the answer is “not yet,” that’s okay. Just know that partial honesty will get you partial results. Building up to complete openness can be part of your therapy journey itself.
4. What Are My Deal-Breakers in a Therapist?
Maybe you absolutely need someone who shares your cultural background. Perhaps you can’t work with someone who’s younger than you, or you need a therapist who’s openly affirming of your identity. Some people need direct feedback while others need a gentler approach.
These preferences aren’t shallow or picky. They’re essential for building trust, and trust is everything in therapy. Take some time to figure out what matters most to you. Is it their therapeutic approach? Their personality style? Their experience with specific issues? You don’t have to get it all right from the start, but knowing your basic requirements will save you time and money. It’ll also help you ask better questions during initial consultations.
5. How Will I Know If It’s Actually Working?
Progress in therapy doesn’t always feel like progress. Sometimes you feel worse before you feel better. Sometimes change happens so gradually you don’t notice it until months later, when you realize you handled a situation differently than you would have before.
That’s why you need your own measures of success. Maybe it’s sleeping through the night more often. Perhaps it’s having fewer panic attacks per month. It could be feeling comfortable setting a boundary with your mother. Whatever it is, pick some concrete markers you can track. This doesn’t mean obsessing over metrics, but having a few touchstones helps you recognize movement when you’re in the thick of it. Ask yourself what small changes would tell you therapy is worth continuing.
6. What Can I Realistically Afford—Both Money and Time?
Let’s get practical. Therapy costs money. Even with insurance, you’ll likely have copays. Without insurance, you’re looking at anywhere from $75 to $300 per session in most places. Can you commit to weekly sessions, or would every other week be more realistic?
Then there’s the time factor. A therapy session isn’t just 50 minutes. You need travel time (if in-person), the session itself, and maybe some time after to process or decompress. Some people also find they need to do homework between sessions—journaling, practicing techniques, or reflecting on patterns. Being honest about your budget and schedule from the start prevents you from overcommitting and then dropping out when it gets hard. It’s better to start with what you can sustain than to go all-in and burn out after three sessions.
7. Do I Want to Sit Across from Someone or Log In from My Couch?
The therapy format matters more than you might think. In-person sessions create a clear boundary between your daily life and your therapy work. You physically leave your house, enter a different space, and create a ritual around healing. Some people need that separation.
Online therapy, on the other hand, offers flexibility and accessibility. No commute, easier scheduling, and you can do it in your pajamas if you want. But it also means therapy happens in your personal space, which can feel weird. Some people find it harder to be vulnerable through a screen. Others find it easier because they’re in their own environment. Neither option is better—they’re just different. Think about your lifestyle, your comfort with technology, and how you process emotions best.
8. What’s My Natural Communication Style?
Are you someone who processes externally by talking things through? Or do you need to think quietly before you speak? Do you prefer direct questions, or do you like it when someone gives you space to find your own words?
Understanding your communication style helps you find a therapist who matches or complements it. If you’re quiet and need time to think, a therapist who fires off rapid questions might make you shut down. If you’re someone who needs more structure and direction, a very passive therapist might leave you feeling frustrated and stuck. There’s no wrong way to communicate, but knowing your style means you can look for someone who gets it.
9. Am I Willing to Do Work Between Sessions?
Therapy isn’t magic. One hour per week with a therapist won’t change your life if you don’t think about or practice anything between sessions. Many therapists will suggest homework—maybe tracking your moods, practicing breathing exercises, or noticing patterns in your relationships.
The question is: will you actually do it? If you’re someone who needs accountability, be upfront about that. If you know you’re terrible with homework, tell your therapist so you can figure out an approach that works better for you. Maybe instead of formal assignments, you just commit to noticing one thing per week. The point isn’t to be a perfect therapy student. It’s to know yourself well enough to set expectations that you can actually meet.
10. What Past Experiences Might Show Up in Therapy?
Your history with authority figures, with vulnerability, with trust—all of it will probably show up in the therapy room. If you’ve had bad experiences with doctors or counselors before, you might be extra guarded. If you grew up in a family where emotions weren’t discussed, you might struggle to name what you’re feeling.
These patterns aren’t problems to solve before therapy. They’re actually part of what you’ll work on in therapy. But being aware of them helps you recognize when they’re happening. If you find yourself feeling defensive with your therapist, it might not be about them—it might be an old pattern kicking in. Knowing your triggers and tendencies gives you a head start on the work.
11. How Do I Usually Handle Feedback?
Therapy involves receiving feedback, sometimes about patterns you can’t see on your own. A good therapist won’t be harsh or critical, but they will point out things you might not want to hear. “I notice you tend to minimize your own needs in relationships.” “It seems like you’re avoiding talking about your father.”
Can you sit with that? Or does criticism—even gentle, well-meaning criticism—make you defensive or shut down? Again, this isn’t about being perfect. Most of us struggle with feedback. But knowing how you typically react helps you prepare for those moments. You can even tell your therapist, “Hey, I tend to get defensive when I feel criticized, so if you notice that happening, can we talk about it?” That kind of self-awareness is actually really helpful.
12. Who Else Is in My Corner?
Therapy is powerful, but it can’t be your only support. Your therapist isn’t available for 2 AM crises or everyday venting. You need friends, family, or community in your life too. If your support system is basically nonexistent, that’s something to bring up in therapy. Building connections might become part of your work.
On the flip side, if you have people in your life who are skeptical or dismissive of therapy, how will you handle that? Will you tell them you’re going, or keep it private? There’s no right answer, but thinking about it beforehand helps you avoid being caught off guard. You might need to set some boundaries about what you will and won’t discuss about your therapy with others.
13. Am I Looking for Short-Term Help or Long-Term Work?
Some people come to therapy with a specific issue they want to address in a few months. Maybe you’re dealing with a breakup, a job transition, or wedding anxiety. You want tools and support to get through this particular thing, and then you’ll be on your way.
Others are looking for deeper, longer-term work. Maybe you’ve struggled with depression your whole life. Perhaps you’re finally ready to unpack childhood trauma. This kind of therapy can take years, not months. Neither approach is better, but they’re different. Knowing what you’re looking for helps you find the right therapist and set appropriate expectations. Some therapists specialize in short-term, solution-focused work. Others are better suited for long-term depth work.
14. What Therapeutic Approach Feels Right to Me?
You don’t need to become an expert in therapy modalities, but knowing a little can help. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) focuses on changing thought patterns and behaviors. It’s practical and structured. Psychodynamic therapy looks at how your past influences your present. It’s more exploratory and open-ended.
Then there’s EMDR for trauma, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) for emotion regulation, and dozens of other approaches. Most therapists will explain their style on their website or during an initial call. Trust your gut. If someone’s approach sounds too rigid or too vague for your taste, keep looking. You want someone whose method resonates with how you think and learn.
15. How Will I Handle Setbacks or Plateaus?
Progress isn’t linear. You’ll have breakthrough moments, sure. But you’ll also have weeks where nothing seems to change. Or times when you feel like you’re backsliding into old patterns. This is completely normal, but it can be discouraging if you’re not prepared for it.
How do you usually respond when you’re working hard at something but not seeing results? Do you give up? Get frustrated? Double down? Knowing your patterns around perseverance helps you stick with therapy during the tough parts. You might even want to talk with your therapist early on about how to handle those inevitable plateaus together.
16. What Topics Am I Most Scared to Talk About?
There’s probably something you hope never comes up in therapy. Maybe it’s your relationship with sex. Your resentment toward a family member. That secret you’ve never told anyone. An addiction you’re not ready to face.
Here’s the thing: that scary topic is probably exactly what needs attention. You don’t have to rush into it on day one. But eventually, avoiding the hard stuff limits your progress. Being aware of what you’re afraid to discuss at least lets you acknowledge the elephant in the room. When you’re ready—and you might not be for a while—you’ll know what needs to be addressed.
17. Do I Need Someone with Specific Expertise?
If you’re dealing with a specific issue—eating disorders, PTSD, addiction, grief—you might benefit from a therapist who specializes in that area. General therapists are great for many issues, but sometimes you need someone who really gets the particular thing you’re going through.
Research shows that therapeutic relationship matters more than specific techniques, but expertise can make a real difference for certain conditions. Don’t be afraid to ask potential therapists about their experience with your specific concerns. If they’re honest and competent, they’ll tell you if they’re a good fit or suggest someone else who might be better.
18. How Will I Balance Therapy with Everything Else?
Therapy takes energy. Sometimes you’ll leave a session feeling emotionally drained. You might need time to process heavy conversations. How will that fit into your life? If you schedule therapy right before a big meeting, will you be able to show up fully present?
Think about the practical logistics. When during the week would therapy work best? Morning, lunch break, evening? What day feels most manageable? Some people like Monday to set intentions for the week. Others prefer Friday to process before the weekend. There’s no perfect answer, but thinking about it helps you set yourself up for success.
19. What Are My Expectations of My Therapist?
Your therapist should be professional, ethical, and genuinely interested in helping you. But they’re not going to fix you, give you all the answers, or be available 24/7. They won’t take sides in your conflicts or tell you exactly what to do with your life.
What they will do is listen without judgment, ask questions that help you see things differently, teach you skills and techniques, and provide a safe space for you to explore difficult things. Having realistic expectations prevents disappointment. If you expect your therapist to have magical solutions, you’ll be frustrated. If you expect them to do the work for you, therapy won’t be effective. Their job is to guide and support—your job is to engage in the process.
20. What’s My Plan If the First Therapist Isn’t a Good Fit?
Here’s a reality check: you might not click with the first therapist you try. Maybe their personality doesn’t mesh with yours. Perhaps their approach doesn’t feel right. This is totally normal and doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or them.
Having a plan for this possibility makes it less scary. Will you give it three sessions before deciding? How many therapists are you willing to try? What specific things would make you realize someone isn’t the right match? Knowing you have permission to keep looking takes pressure off the first few sessions. Finding the right therapist is like dating—sometimes it takes a few tries to find someone who really gets you.
Wrapping Up
Getting ready for therapy means getting real with yourself first. These questions aren’t meant to psych you out or make you second-guess your decision. They’re here to help you show up informed and intentional.
Therapy can genuinely change your life, but it requires your active participation. The more clarity you bring to that first session, the more you’ll get out of every session after. Your future self will thank you for taking this preparation seriously.