You make hundreds of decisions every day. Some are small, like what to eat for breakfast. Others are big, like whether to accept that job offer or end a relationship. But here’s something most people don’t realize: the clarity of your decisions depends entirely on how well you understand your values.
Your values are your internal compass. They’re the beliefs and principles that matter most to you, the things you won’t compromise on even when life gets messy. When you know what you stand for, choices become easier. You stop second-guessing yourself. You feel more confident saying yes to the right things and no to everything else.
Most of us have never taken the time to figure out what we actually value. We inherited some beliefs from our parents, picked up others from friends or society, and now we’re operating on autopilot. That changes today.
Questions to Ask Yourself to Find Your Values
These questions are designed to help you dig beneath the surface and uncover what truly matters to you. Take your time with each one and be brutally honest with yourself.
1. What makes you feel most alive?
Think about the moments when you feel completely present, energized, and engaged. Maybe it’s when you’re creating something with your hands, having deep conversations with friends, or solving complex problems at work. These moments reveal what you value because they show you where you naturally invest your attention and energy.
Pay attention to the activities that make hours feel like minutes. If you lose track of time while teaching someone a new skill, you might value education or mentorship. If you feel most alive when you’re exploring a new city, adventure, or discovery might be core values for you. Your energy doesn’t lie.
2. What would you do if money wasn’t a factor?
Strip away the financial constraints for a moment. If your bills were paid and you had complete freedom to spend your time however you wanted, what would fill your days? This question cuts through the noise of practicality and reveals what you’d choose if nothing else mattered.
Your answer here tells you a lot. Some people would travel constantly, others would volunteer or start a nonprofit, and some would spend more time with family. Each of these choices points to underlying values like freedom, service, or connection. Don’t judge your answer or try to make it sound impressive. Just notice what comes up.
3. Who do you admire and why?
Look at the people you respect most. They might be public figures, family members, or people you’ve worked with. What specific qualities do you admire in them? Their courage? Their kindness? Their discipline? Their creativity?
When you admire someone, you’re actually recognizing values that resonate with you. If you’re drawn to people who speak their truth regardless of consequences, you probably value authenticity or courage. If you respect those who build things from scratch, you might value innovation or perseverance. Your heroes are mirrors showing you what matters to you.
4. What do you argue about?
The things that make you want to speak up, correct someone, or stand your ground reveal your values in action. When someone says something that bothers you enough to respond, that friction is happening because they’ve bumped up against something you care deeply about. Notice what topics get you heated. Is it fairness? Honesty? Respect? Environmental issues?
Even your small arguments matter here. If you get annoyed when people are late, you might value punctuality or respect for others’ time. If you push back when someone makes a sweeping generalization, you probably value nuance or open-mindedness. Your emotional reactions are data points.
5. What breaks your heart?
The things that make you deeply sad or upset point directly to your values. When you see news stories about child hunger, animal cruelty, or people losing their homes, your emotional response tells you what matters to you. Your heartbreak is actually your values crying out.
This isn’t about performative sadness or what you think should bother you. It’s about genuine emotional pain. Maybe you feel crushed when you see elderly people eating alone. Maybe stories about educational inequality keep you up at night. Maybe environmental destruction makes you feel physically sick. These responses show you where your values live.
6. How do you spend your free time?
Your calendar and your values should match up. When you have a completely free Saturday with no obligations, what do you actually do? Do you call friends? Work on a hobby? Exercise? Read? Your spontaneous choices when no one’s watching reveal what you genuinely value versus what you think you should value.
There’s often a gap between what we say we value and how we spend our time. You might claim family is your top priority, but if you check your calendar and realize you haven’t had a real conversation with your sister in months, that’s valuable information. Your time is your truth.
7. What are you not willing to sacrifice?
Imagine someone offered you a million dollars, but in exchange, you had to give up something specific for five years. What wouldn’t you trade? Your health? Your relationships? Your creative expression? Your freedom to speak your mind?
The things you absolutely refuse to compromise on are your non-negotiable values. If you wouldn’t take any amount of money to lie regularly or to cut off contact with your family, those are clear indicators of what you stand for. Your boundaries show you your values.
8. What do you want your life to stand for?
Fast-forward to the end of your life. When people talk about you at your funeral or write your obituary, what do you want them to say? Not what sounds impressive, but what would actually make you feel like your life mattered. Did you make people laugh? Did you help others? Did you create beautiful things? Did you stand up for what’s right?
This question forces you to think about legacy and meaning. If you want to be remembered as someone who always showed up for others, service is likely a core value. If you hope people will say you lived authentically and took risks, freedom or authenticity might be central to who you are.
9. What’s your idea of a perfect day?
Close your eyes and picture a day where everything feels exactly right. Walk through it hour by hour. Who’s with you? What are you doing? Where are you? How do you feel? Your ideal day is packed with clues about your values because it represents your preferences without real-world limitations.
Maybe your perfect day involves being alone in nature. Maybe it’s filled with laughter and conversation. Maybe it includes creating something or helping someone. Maybe it’s quiet and simple. Each element tells you something. Solo time might mean you value solitude or independence. A day packed with people could indicate you value community or connection.
10. What rules do you live by?
We all have personal codes of conduct, even if we’ve never written them down. What are your unspoken rules? Always be honest, even when it’s hard? Never gossip? Treat everyone with respect, regardless of their status? Keep your promises? These operating principles are your values in practical form.
Think about times when you’ve felt guilty or uncomfortable. Usually, it’s because you violated one of your own rules. If you felt terrible after exaggerating a story to make yourself look better, you probably value honesty or humility. If you beat yourself up for canceling plans with a friend, reliability or loyalty might be important to you.
11. What do you wish you could change about the world?
Your vision for a better world reflects your values. If you wish everyone had access to quality healthcare, you value equity or compassion. If you wish people were kinder to each other, you value empathy. If you wish there was less corruption in government, you value integrity or justice.
Don’t pick something that sounds noble. Pick something that genuinely bothers you. Maybe you wish people didn’t judge others so quickly. Maybe you wish everyone had the chance to pursue their passions. Maybe you wish families spent more time together. Each wish points to a value you hold dear.
12. What makes you feel proud of yourself?
Think about recent moments when you felt genuinely proud. Not because someone else praised you, but because you knew you’d done something that mattered to you. Maybe you finished a challenging project, had a difficult conversation, helped a stranger, or kept a commitment to yourself. Pride is a signal that you’ve acted in alignment with your values.
The key is identifying the specific reason behind the pride. If you’re proud because you stood up for someone being treated unfairly, you value justice. If you’re proud because you created something beautiful, you value creativity. If you’re proud because you pushed through when things got hard, you value perseverance. Your pride points the way.
13. What drains your energy?
Just as energizing activities reveal your values, draining ones do too. When you feel exhausted after certain interactions or tasks, it’s often because they conflict with what you value. If small talk at networking events leaves you depleted, you might value depth or authenticity over surface-level connection.
Notice what feels like swimming upstream. Maybe you’re exhausted after spending time with people who only talk about themselves because you value reciprocity. Maybe corporate bureaucracy drains you because you value efficiency or autonomy. Maybe being indoors all day wears you down because you value nature or physical movement. Your exhaustion has a message.
14. What did you love doing as a child?
Before life got complicated, before you worried about money or status or what other people thought, what brought you pure joy? Children operate almost entirely from their authentic selves. If you spent hours building elaborate structures with blocks, you might value creativity or problem-solving. If you organized games and brought friends together, you might value community or leadership.
Sometimes we lose touch with our core values as we grow up and learn to prioritize other people’s expectations. Looking back at your childhood can help you reconnect with your authentic self. The things that lit you up at age eight probably still matter to you, even if you’ve buried them under years of “should” and “supposed to.”
15. When do you feel most like yourself?
There are probably situations where you feel completely natural and comfortable, where you don’t have to pretend or perform. Maybe it’s when you’re with your closest friends. Maybe it’s when you’re working on a project alone. Maybe it’s when you’re teaching or speaking in public. These moments of authenticity show you where your values are fully expressed.
Feeling like yourself means your external life matches your internal values. If you feel most authentic when you’re being silly and playful, you might value joy or spontaneity. If you feel most yourself when you’re mentoring someone, you might value growth or generosity. Pay attention to when you can drop the mask.
16. What would you regret not doing?
Regret is a powerful teacher. If you imagine yourself at 80 years old looking back on your life, what would you wish you’d done? What experiences would you wish you’d had? What risks would you wish you’d taken? Your anticipated regrets reveal what you value but might not be honoring right now.
Maybe you’d regret not traveling more, not being vulnerable in relationships, not pursuing a creative passion, or not spending enough time with loved ones. Each potential regret points to a value that needs more attention in your current life. This question helps you course-correct before it’s too late.
17. What compliments mean the most to you?
When someone praises you, which compliments actually land? Some people love being told they’re smart, others want to hear they’re kind, and others value being seen as reliable or fun. The compliments that make you feel truly seen are usually connected to your core values. If being called compassionate means more to you than being called successful, compassion is likely a central value.
Think about compliments that have stuck with you for years. Maybe someone once said you make people feel comfortable being themselves. Maybe a teacher told you you’re exceptionally curious. Maybe a friend said you’re the most loyal person they know. These aren’t just nice words. They’re mirrors reflecting your values back to you.
18. What angers you?
Anger gets a bad rap, but it’s actually incredibly useful for uncovering values. When you feel genuinely angry (not just annoyed or frustrated), it’s usually because someone violated something you hold sacred. If you get angry about injustice, you value fairness. If dishonesty makes you furious, you value truth. If you rage about wastefulness, you value responsibility or sustainability.
Your anger is protective. It’s your psyche’s way of defending what matters most to you. Don’t dismiss it or push it down. Instead, get curious about it. What specifically triggered the anger? What principle or value was violated? Your anger is trying to show you something important about who you are and what you stand for.
19. How do you define success?
Everyone has a different definition of success, and yours reveals your values. For some people, success means financial security. For others, it’s having close relationships, making an impact, achieving recognition, maintaining health, or having freedom. Your personal definition matters more than society’s version.
Be honest about what success actually means to you, not what you think it should mean. If your version of success involves a quiet life with minimal stress, that’s just as valid as someone else’s version involving building a company. If success for you means being a present parent, that’s complete. If it means pushing creative boundaries, that’s complete too. Your definition is your roadmap.
20. What do you defend?
Pay attention to when you feel compelled to defend something or someone. When do you jump in? When do you speak up? When do you take a stand? Your protective instincts reveal your values. If you always defend people who are being excluded or left out, you value inclusion. If you defend the truth even when it’s unpopular, you value integrity.
This isn’t about being argumentative or combative. It’s about noticing what matters enough to you that you’ll put yourself on the line for it. Maybe you defend creative expression. Maybe you defend honesty. Maybe you defend people’s right to change their minds or make mistakes. Whatever you’re willing to fight for, that’s where your values live.
Wrap-up
Finding your values isn’t a one-time exercise. It’s an ongoing process of paying attention to yourself with curiosity and honesty. These 20 questions give you a framework, but the real work happens when you sit with your answers and notice the patterns.
Once you know your values, everything changes. Decisions become clearer because you have criteria for evaluating your options. You stop wasting energy on things that don’t align with who you are. You build a life that actually fits you instead of trying to squeeze yourself into someone else’s vision.
Start with one question today. Write down your answer. Then pick another question tomorrow. Your values are already inside you, waiting to be recognized.